Chapter 24

Okay, having jumped ahead from pageants and sports and stripping to “much worse”, I guess I can just kind of write whatever passes through my little blonde head at the moment.

Which at the moment, unfortunately is something I call “The Adoration of the Anus.”  Pretty faces and even “T&A” have been eclipsed: there’s a new belle in town and she’s a total asshole.

I’m not sure when the anus became the primary male sexual goal.  Or at least of males who watch or act in porno videos.  But it has definitely happened.  I’m not sure if this is some grotesque porn distortion like “the culmination of sex acts with hot women involves withdrawal of the penis and masturbating while she waits with her mouth open to get jazzed all over her face,” or something more global that affects the real world of sexual mores. However real that is.  But my experience tends to indicate that the obsession with butthole surfing is abroad in the land.

Let me explain something about why a nice girl like me is so up to date on porn videos.  And a little about vintages of men. Related topics.

My observations incline me to believe that as a general rule, men like women young, and the younger the better, up to some point.  Mileage on what that point may vary.

Women, on the other hand, have a much wider age spread for objects of desire.   Women tend to prefer men older than themselves, up to some other poorly defined point. The “Cougar Coefficient” or something.

But one thing’s pretty obvious.  If you want to get your brains boffed out, younger guys are more apt to get the job done.  Maybe they can’t really rock you, baby, all night long, but they give it a shot.  This makes young, virile, studly dudes more likely to be depicted on the covers of romance and “erotica” novels, as well as the cinema.

But once you hit another of those points–where the Joy of Sex becomes The Job of Sex–that reverses dramatically.  Call girls just adore older guys.  That should seem self-explanatory, but if not, just ask yourself;  if you’re getting paid for you time to do something vaguely icky with somebody who’s not exactly your first pick to do it with, would you rather do it for a longer or shorter time for the same money?  A working girl’s “happy ending” is something like, she takes off your pants and smiles at you and you come, pay up and go home. Eat, Spray, Leave.  Getting pounded silly for hours on end is somewhat less optimal.

So I spend a lot of my workaday time with guys old enough to be my paternal great uncle or something. And prefer their company to young penisaurus types, in many ways.

They tend to be more gracious companions, more generous, more interesting to talk to.  I’ve learned an awful lot from older guys who have enough money to pay for expensive dinners and showy companions.  Way more than an MBA would have taught me, I’ll tell you that for certain sure.  It usually feels more like a “date” for some reason.  Get taken somewhere pleasant to eat, guy holds my chair for me, is interested in me personally, is often affectionate in a way I like.  I get the impression there are some “grandfather genes” that kick in late in life that sort of shift the way males see and deal with younger females.  Maybe I’ve just been lucky.

And don’t get me wrong.  These guys definitely want their ashes hauled.  But some need a little help to make that all work out.   And I’m happy to help, actually.  I don’t mind taking the time.  I don’t mind doing a little extra work.  I don’t mind pretending a little.  I don’t even mind feeling a little.  Lord knows I’ve got few enough feelings.

And I don’t mind watching porn videos or those special hotel smut channels to get the mood working, if that’s what it takes.  But it can get a bit repulsive at times.  The worst is the internet stuff.   But let me say something sociological about that.  You can have some guy who has accounts with websites that feature double anal entry clips, or Russian militia gang rape, or humiliating she-males, or felching fat grannies or incest snuff or whatever, but when that nasty mess gets him turned on, more often than not all he really wants is a nice roll in the sheets and being babied a bit.

A lot of them just want to do a full contact embrace with their fantasy of a sweet, gorgeous daughter or niece, is the impression I get.  Beyond that–and take my word for this, okay–I have had more than one client tell me something along the lines of, “You’re such a nice kid.  I wish my daughter (or grand daughter) could be like you.”  Think about that.  They’d rather their little girl be a whore than whatever piece of crap she’s currently being.   Or maybe they just wish she’d get naked and jump in their lap?  Seriously, I think it’s more the former.  These guys have a wide range of how much they realize to themselves that they’re being treated so well because they paid for it.  Not that many don’t inspire nice manners and a little affection.  And not that there’s any age limit on guys treating girls like a slave or a captive or a dirty tissue, either.

But anyway, watching video games probably doesn’t turn geekboys into murderous ghetto monsters, and I get the impression watching clips on doesn’t necessarily turn them into sado-pervo-dicks.

But I don’t find that the standard XXX fare turns me on in any big way.  Some does.  There is actually some really lovely footage out there.  Loving beautiful couples doing what really amounts to a sort of visual ballet.  Some really great lesbian clips.  There seem to be more films of women treating each other in a loving manner than hetero flicks with the same emotional style.

Actually, it might not be a bad idea for women to check out a little porno now and then.  Not the soft, sweet ones, either.  Watch the awful, ugly ones.  It teaches you something.  Kind of like looking at tapes of the team you’re going to play next weekend, maybe.

But by and large…

And by and large, what I’m seeing more and more over the past few years is footage that might make an alien zoologist decide that everything humans do with each other naked is foreplay for anal penetration.  And maybe that’s just a prelude for licking it off or getting bukaked.  Which is post-Japanese for getting your face sprayed with semen.  You learn some great terms in the porn jungle.  MILF, camel toe, DP… all sorts of fun stuff.

It’s like almost every fuck is an anal fuck.  And I don’t know what’s worse: the girl is screaming in pain about it or she’s moaning in pleasure because being bufu’ed is so orgasmically satisfying.  There’s a sort of progression from long blowjob sequence, to vaginal, to anal, then back to oral.  But lots of it just jumps right up the poop shoot in the first few minutes.  Then shows you a bunch of different ways you can get yourself cornholed.  All of them just like the last clip.  There might be some DP tossed in there.  Meaning “double penetration.”  Pronounced “two holes, no waiting.”   Actually that particular stuff kind of gets me interested.  I mean, come on, that’s a lot of fun, right?  Not so fun for the men, it looks like, though.  I can’t see a lot of guys wanting to double team a girl.  Unless they’re closeted bi or something, and the only way they can make genital contact with another man is with a slice of girl membrane in between. Woman as closet condom.

Assholes are not just seen as sexual objects, either.  They are increasingly flaunted like bling.  Any spread has to feature some shots showing your puckered little back door. Which seems weird, because I generally don’t find assholes all that scenic.  Actually, even twats are, let’s face it, pretty gross-looking, too.  But you never know.

But like anything else, there’s always a range from actually very cute to, well, butt-ugly.  Seriously.  You see girls with these cute little pooters like pink carnations.  A guy showed me an internet shot of a girl pulling a shiny metal sphere about the size of an egg out of her anus.  I swear, it could have been blown up and hung in a gallery.  Flawless white skin with a ring of smooth pink around this ball that reflected everything from the pink to the camera and flashgun.  He also showed me a shot of a glass dildo inserted into the vagina of another girl with absolutely white, blemishless skin, no hair or follicles in sight.  Her labia translucent, a deep pink layered around the glass like slices of sushi ginger.  So I had to admit there might be pretty cunts and assholes.   Then, by the way, he produced a similar metal ball and glass dork of his own and explained how he thought they might come in handy.  Actually, a fairly interesting guy, in many ways.

But one thing’s for sure:  the vaunted and headlined “Gaping Assholes” are in no way attractive.  There is very little inside our bodies that’s very appetizing to look at.  The fact that buttholes don’t slam shut as quick as pussies once the foreign or domestic object has been removed leads to all these shots of distended orifices revealing a bunch of wet pink innards that nature intended as canals for shit.  Why anybody would want to pay to look at them is beyond me.  But hey, I’m talking about men, here.

And specifically I’m talking about men’s interest in sex being shifted a crucial inch or so “southward”.  Maybe not.  Or maybe so.  Maybe this is some soft of ultimate decadence.  Nature’s way of reacting to humans reproducing too much and not thinking enough.  All the good-looking guys turning gay and the horny ones turning into sphincter schtuppers.  There might even be political ramifications.  At the very, very least, things could get a lot more uncomfortable.